False front

It's strange how everyone is judged by their appearance. Even when things are not right if you can cover it well, no one would find out that there is this black hole sucking you in from inside.

People generally look after their own interests and only choose to see what they wish to see. I fail to understand what makes everyone think that I'm okay. My parents seem to be happy with my accomplishments. My siblings envy the experiences that I've put on. Some of my close friends seem to think that I have changed for the better ever since...post-wen di. I'm living my life to the fullest, yet, why do I feel so empty inside?

I woke up this morning staring at the ceiling, thinking about the things that I have to do. Routine things that will never ever be completed. I worry now about unfinished homeworks, but sooner or later this feeling will go away and become insignificant. Insignificance...I have been placing a lot emphasis on that lately. Nothing really seems important to me anymore.

Recently, there have been so much talk about deaths. It makes me question myself about letting go of things. What makes someone so determined to die? If I were to cut all ties with everyone, I would feel so unrestrained. Maybe it is that sense of freedom or the urge to seek shelter from reality. Then again, I feel injustice for those that weren't given the call to control their life or death. To be able to embrace Death is admirable, but it saddens me to see the loss borne by the nearest and dearest.

All I know right now is that I crave for peace and silence. I crave for darkness and the abstract. I crave for excitement and the unusual. I just want to go against the norm.